UnNews:Scotland Yard smashes people smuggling network

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1 February 2008

Canadian suitcase

One happy Canadian

SCOTLAND, London -- Detectives at Scotland Yard claim to have smashed a network of organised criminals who have been smuggling British people out of the England for the last ten years. The gang, who reportedly charged up to three pounds fifty for the service, would fit groups of six or seven Brits in a large dingy, and sail from Portsmouth to places as far away as Canada.

Suitcase doll

Many self-smuggling attempts end in tradegy

Eighty five year old Edna, who was promised a highly paid job in the sex industry, was instead forced to work in a factory for up to 21 hours a day, spraying the pubic hair on plastic blow-up dolls. ‘Kent was getting really shit’ she said, ‘the Chavs had taken over the Gavvers and the WI was 90% men, so I decided to leave for a better life, but all the Canadians want is plastic blow-up dolls.’

Two hundred and eighty five people were arrested this morning, but it is thought that only a small number of those had anything to do with the smuggling. If convicted, they face being forced to apologise to their victims and make them cups of tea every morning for a month. This is seen as one of the harsher punishments set out in the new Criminal Justice Bill which was proposed yesterday by Britain’s radically liberal government.

The arrests have sparked an outcry from pro-smuggling campaigners, who argue that the clampdown will force the trade further underground, and increase the number of self-smuggling attempts, many of which end in tragedy (inset).



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