UnNews:Scooter Libby takes up Smoking
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Scooter Libby takes up Smoking
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, November 30, 2015, 08:15:UTC)(
8 March 2007
Washington, D.C. -- In an effort to improve his image, convicted felon Scooter Libby has taken up smoking. "I did it to make myself look older", said Mr. Libby. "With a name like 'Scooter', everybody thinks I'm a little boy. I really hate that nickname. Anyway, my teenage son told me that smoking would make me look more grown up. I thought I'd give it a try.".
Scooter Libby is in dire need of an image makeover after being convicted by a jury of his peers for being a member of the Bush administration. This makes him a liar, by default and therefore, eligible for conviction under American perjury laws.
"I just hope it ticks off the leftist, pinko commies that are out to get me," Scooter said during a phone interview today. "They hate smokers. And the added benefit is that the cigarettes can be used as currency in the big house!"
- Some left-wing, pinko activist with an agenda "Let's stick it to Scooter". Some left-wing, pinko propaganda sheet with an agenda, March 8, 2007