UnNews:Scientology exhibit valiantly protects the mentally ill
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||We distort, you deride|
12 January 2007
COLUMBIA, Missouri, Thursday (UNEX) -- On Thursday and Friday, the Capitol Rotunda in Columbia, Missouri will host an exhibit titled The Industry of Death. If you didn't know that psychiatrists and the entire psychiatric profession are part of a secret plan for world domination, developed in part by Adolf Hitler, then it’s time to load the kids in the car for a day of fun at the Capitol.
The Industry of Death is sponsored by the Church of Scientology, a tax-deductible community institution of flawless repute. Hosted by Tom Cruise, the presentation, scripted by Kevin J. Anderson, reveals a host of little-known facts about the field of psychiatry. Twenty-five percent of psychiatrists sexually abuse their patients. Psychiatrists deliberately kill about 10,000 people a year. Hitler's extermination camps were the apex of the psychiatric-eugenic programme, the full flowering of the plans laid by psychiatry and the perfection of murder on an assembly-line basis.
Psychiatrists were responsible for the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, since psychiatrists are responsible for the existence of terrorists and suicide bombers, which is why they worked so hard to drive away the Church of Scientology missions at Ground Zero by disguising themselves as fire chiefs and telling them to get the hell out of the rescue workers' faces.
In 2005, Cruise famously launched his own attack on psychiatry, and Fountainhead Earth went on to become the biggest-grossing film of the year.
The American Psychiatric Association, being unable to refute these entirely credible and well-supported assertions, has long adopted a policy of silence on the matter, behaving as though the Church is beneath their notice — in the hope that the questions over their rôle will just go away and they can get on with their work of building a pyramid of charred souls for the greater glory of Xenu.
Cruise realises the job ahead of the Church. "But I'm sure we can all come together and agree that psychiatrists are systematically murdering people and caused September 11, and work on auditing off these parasites stuck all over our society."
- A. Yn Rand "Psychiatrists puked down my shirt when I got drunk last night". Xenu Shrugged, January 9th, 2006