UnNews:Scientists discover ten new planets
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Scientists discover ten new planets
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, July 1, 2016, 04:31:UTC)(
3 April 2008
Europe, UK, Ireland, Belfast
Scientists in Belfast Ireland today discovered ten new planets outside our solar system. By using a new radio telescope with enhanced digital imaging ten new planets had been discovered.
One planet, named Mongo, is but a few light years from our solar system. It is said to be like Earth but without a lot of water. It was discovered to be ruled with an iron first by Ming the Merciless. We hope that they haven't discovered that Earth has a lot of water or else they will invade and try to take our water.
Another one, thirty light years away is named Caprica. It seems they had a robot rebellion that wiped out most life on that planet. We are not sure but scientists seem to think that 50,000 or so human like aliens had escaped and are looking for a planet named Earth that was part of their thirteenth colony that got lost. We hope they don't find Earth as it is overcrowded and war-ridden enough that we don't need more problems, besides those robots might be following them to lead them to Earth and wipe us out as well.
About sixteen light years away is the planet Vulcan, it is inhabited by human looking aliens with pointed ears and arched eyebrows. They seem to have eliminated all emotions in favor of logic and have solved world peace and seem to be highly advanced in technology than we are. Despite that they largely ignore us despite having flown ships near our system. They seem to classify Earth as highly illogical.
In the heart of a nebula some 45 light years away is the planet Magrathea. The inhabitants seem to be in suspended animation waiting for the answer to life the universe and everything being computed by some large computer they constructed, though we don't know where it is located.
Some 22 light years away is the planet Ork. They seem to travel in egg shaped space ships and age backwards. Though they appear human, we think at least one of them landed on Earth to study us.
Some 28 light years away is the planet Arrakis. It seems to be mostly desert but the humanoid aliens seem to be mining some form of spice there, and are threatened by giant sand worms.
Far far away, thousands of light years away in another galaxy, is the remains of a planet called Alderaan. Scientists are not sure but think that somehow some giant battlestation the size of a moon had used a planet busting ray to destroy it long long ago.
Some other planets are gas giants ranging from half the size of Jupiter to eight times the size of Jupiter. But they don't seem to be inhabited. As the radio telescope software is tweaked, scientists say they may be able to discover other planets as well.