UnNews:Scientists create new protein drink from 'recycled' fetuses
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Scientists create new protein drink from 'recycled' fetuses
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, August 25, 2016, 15:12:UTC)(
15 October 2007
WASHINGTON, D.C. - a group of scientists working for the Little Angels abortion clinic created a new protein drink from 'recycled' fetuses. Called Dead Baby Juice, the drink is set to hit the shelves just in time for Christmas.
"It should be a big hit at Christmas," says Project Leader, Jim Babykill, "the perfect stocking-filler."
Asked about how they came up with the idea, he said: "Well, we had all these dead fetuses lying around. We'd gotten tired of playing volleyfetus and we were spending a fortune sending them to landfill. So we thought 'What if there was a way to recycle all these fetuses?' Plus, volleyfetus was really messy. The cleaners started to complain."
"So, we were playing with this new blender I got for my birthday, and we realized that fetus juice looked a lot like strawberry-milkshake. Not only that, but it tasted like chicken. Everyone loves chicken!"
This new product has been widely welcomed by environmental groups who say that recycling is good and that we should save the pandas and so forth. However, they have condemned the new Dead Panda Drink set to hit the shelves next Spring. Environmentalist and political failure Al Gore had the following to say:
"I wholeheartedly endorse this product. These morally minded young men are an example to us all on how to reduce our carbon footprint. As for Dead Panda Juice, the very idea sickens me to the very fibre of my being. Wanna see my Nobel Prize?"
Unsurprisingly, the product has provoked a wave of protests from pro-life groups. "$7.99 a bottle!? That's outrageous!" one church-leader was heard to say (while drunk on altar-wine).
The scientists are remaining tight-lipped about the production process. "It involves a blender," is all they would say.
Tesco have already announced that they will make Tesco Value Fetus Juice available from January. Jim Babykill responded by saying "They probably use inferior quality Eastern European fetuses. We use only the finest American fetuses!"
But the real question on every decent person's lips is: how does it taste? We asked Hollywood actor and Jew-hating scumbag Mel Gibson to try it for us: "Babylicious" was his response after picking out all the "Jewish looking" chunks.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|