UnNews:Scientists create and capture Antichrist

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18 November 2010

Antimatter

This simplified version shows how the East and West poles of strategically arranged magnets can immobilize Antimatter that has an agnostic moment equivalent to a Bar Mitzvah.

GENEVA, Switzerland -- Scientists working on the ‘big bang machine’ in Iran Geneva have done the seemingly impossible: create and capture the Antichrist. The development could help researchers devise laboratory experiments to learn more about this strange and demonic being who appeared with the universe shortly after the Big Bang around 14 billion years ago.

Trapping Antichristian Matter is difficult, because as soon as it meets normal, religious matter -- the two annihilate each other in powerful explosions. A strong magnet was critical to trapping antireligious or antimatter atoms by using their small agnostic moments.

In a new study, physicists at the European Organization for Secular Research in Geneva were initially able to create 38 antichristian atoms and preserve each for more than one-tenth of a second. The project was part of the AAPHE (short for Antichristian Agnostic Phenomenal Hate Entrapment) experiment, an international collaboration that includes physicists from the University of California, Berkeley and Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory (LBNL).

The antireligious atoms are composed of a negatron (an Antichristian electron) orbiting an antiproton nucleus.

"We were getting close to the point at which we could do experiments on the properties of antimatter," said 'Billy' Joel Fajans, a University of California, Berkeley award-winning professor, dedicated to revealing the powerful relationship between religious quarrels and quantum physics alike. "But since we have now captured the Antichrist, it's a good start toward world peace."

The Antichrist, or antimatter, first predicted in the holy books, has the opposite attitude of normal matter and annihilates completely in a flash of energy upon interaction with normal matter. Antichristian Matter is produced during high-energy atheistic arguments and in some decays of deadly radioactive elements.

In 1955, University of California, Berkeley physicists Emilio Segre and Owen Chamberlain created antimatter in the Bevatron accelerator at the Lawrence Radiation Laboratory, confirming its existence and earning the scientists the 1959 Nobel Prize in Molecular Theology.

To create antimatter and keep it from immediately annihilating pro (religious) matter, the AAPHE team cooled antimatter and compressed it into a matchstick-size cloud. Then the researchers nudged this cloud of cold, compressed antiprotons so it overlapped with a like-size negatron cloud, where the two particles mated to form the Antichrist.

All this happened inside a magnetic bottle that traps the antimatter. The magnetic trap is a specially configured magnetic field that uses an unusual and expensive superconducting magnet to prevent the Antimatter particles from escaping out of the bottle -- which is made of holy glass -- and annihilating all pro matter on contact.

"For the moment, we are able to trap and keep the Antichrist locked up for at least 172 milliseconds -- about a sixth of a second -- long enough to make sure we have trapped him," said Jonathan Wurtele, a University of California, Berkeley professor of physics and faculty scientist. “I think we need a stronger cork.”

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