UnNews:Scientists Discover Canadian Bacon is Actually Ham
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Scientists Discover Canadian Bacon is Actually Ham
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, August 25, 2016, 04:45:UTC)(
Today, scientists discovered that Canadian bacon is actually ham. Deep within their ham radio laboratories in Evil New Mexico, Evil New Mexican scientists have shocked the world with this earthshattering discovery. Theories of pizza and protein composition will have to be revised all over the world, and all because of Evil New Mexicans.
Some regard this as further evidence that Evil New Mexico is planning to take over the US. Set off by the recent international SAY YES TO DRUGS campaign, the Evil New Mexican conspiracy theorists are lobbying in Washington and Disneyland against evil Mexican immigration and expansion.
Meanwhile, the Canadians continue to call their product "Canadian bacon" to defy science because most Canadian pig farmers are Creationists. Also, the New Mexican scientists who discovered that Canadian Bacon is actually ham... Well it turns out that they actually prefer "American-style" bacon, so what do they know?