UnNews:Scientist swallowed by whale, survived undigested
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Scientist swallowed by whale, survived undigested
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, December 1, 2015, 14:45:UTC)(
27 October 2009
SKANK HARBOR, New Hampshire -- A research vessel lost a man overboard last Thursday off the coast of Maine while tracking migrating whales. Dr. Prometheus Haphazard lost his footing while preparing a remote robotic submarine for its maiden voyage, and fell into the sea. Remarkably, a blue whale accidentally swallowed him whole (remarkable because blue whales eat mostly tiny krill and zooplankton), only to poop him out this morning, enmeshed in a gigantic turd.
"When he went over, I thought, we'd be able to pick him up easy. Seas were calm, not much of a wind... no problem. Then I saw the whale come up and sort of bump into him. Must have opened his mouth in surprise, cause you know, they mostly eat small stuff... then in he went," said first mate Al Capcasin of the research vessel Kielbasa.
"Somehow he got by those crushing baleen plates and was swallowed whole," said ships biologist Kelly Aficionado.
The Coast Guard was able to track him by his cell phone signal, and a small flotilla followed the pod of seven whales until this morning, when he was freed from his captivity, and floated to the surface in a gigantic turd. USCG helicopters airlifted him and his temporary turd tomb to St. Alphonso's Pancake Breakfast & Hospital in Concord, New Hampshire.
- ↑ Wikipedia: The whale feeds by lunging forward at groups of krill, taking the animals and a large quantity of water into its mouth. The water is then squeezed out through the baleen plates by pressure from the ventral pouch and tongue. Once the mouth is clear of water, the remaining krill, unable to pass through the plates, are swallowed.