UnNews:Schwarzenegger aims to end Uncyclopedia strike "with my Uzi 9mm"
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Schwarzenegger aims to end Uncyclopedia strike "with my Uzi 9mm"
Straight talk, from straight faces
Wednesday, March 22, 2017, 22:29:UTC)(
13 November 2007
80s ACTION HEART THROB Arnold Schwarzenegger has said he will go on an "old fashioned 80s action movie style rampage" to try to help end the ongoing Uncyclopedia writers strike. "I think it's very important I get my Uzis and M60s out again as quickly as possible, because the impact of this industrial action is making me VERY ANGRY, HUUUUAAAARGGH" the former actor said.
Schwarzenegger would not elaborate on whose side he was on, as he smeared his face and chest in camo-paint and attached fragmentation grenades to his nipples, but did say that he would "blow up a lot of people in a random bloody rampage of explosions and gun fire, culminating in a one on one "fisticuff" duel with a generic baddie, with a moustache."
"Its time I taught these ass-huls a lesson HUUUUAAAARGGH"
Shortly before Arnold told him that he would "kill you last" strike leader <insert name here> laughed off the threat posed by Arnie, "What can one man possibly do against a trained and heavily armed private army, even if said army are admittedly not the best shots in the world." Much to his consternation <insert name here> was subsequently dropped off a cliff by Mr Schwarzenegger. When asked why he killed <insert name here> first and NOT last Arnold reportedly said that "I lied."
Uncyclopedia Writers walked out last week after complaining about "Napoleonic working conditions". More than 16 writers died last year in workplace accidents, most of which were from severe radiation poisoning(!?). Uncyclopedia has been hit hard as work ground to a halt on all articles and news.
In fact this very news item is not being written and you are not reading it!