UnNews:Schools breeding teen killers
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!|
18 March 2009
By UnNews Staff Reporter - Washington DC
Schools are deliberately breeding teen killers according to a new report.
"This is a visionary policy of the new Administration", said an UnNews source.
"After reviewing the education policies of the Lord's Resistance Army we set up several trials in the US, using federal stimulus money. We took a representative cross section of schools across the country including deprived areas such as down town Washington, monied burbs such as Los Alamos NM and Military Bastions such as Hopkinsville KY. We abducted children from their homes, fed them with drugs and forced them to kill one or other of their parents."
A mother from a participating school in Ann Abor MI said:
"My relationship with Stanley had broken down, we argued constantly over the existential nature of Arthur Koestler's work, and finally all I wanted was him to be gone from my life. Then Debbie returned from her new school and decapitated him with my kitchen cleaver. I have never been happier"
A Democratic party spokesman said:
"With this programme we are building the America of the future. Our citizens will no longer...no No NO GET AWAY FROM ME - PUT THE AXE DOWN, NO, NO NOT MY ARM PLEAAAAARRRRRGHHHH"
- Linda Geddes "Some schools may be breeding grounds for teen killers". New Scientist, March 18, 2009