UnNews:Saudis eye sand exports to Europe
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
11 December 2012
RIYADH, Saudi Arabia -- Saudi Arabia may have been the world’s top oil exporter for longer than most people, besides the Bush family, even give a damn, but now it's turning its sights to a new type of export: beach.
Basically all people in Europe – from the lowlands to the highlands – could one day live right on the beach, and without worry of rising sea levels or fear of Tsunamis. This is according to a senior Saudi official and others familiar with the kingdom’s only non-oil resource besides terror.
“This is a very ambitious plan based on a very ambitious idea approved by a very ambitious royal decree,” the official said, adding that the entire concept was “very ambitious,” for lack of another infidel word. And it would take no time to implement, “the potential is really great, the potential is really big, in fact, there is a lot of potential,” he hinted. “This is because we already have all our sand reserves above ground, so we don’t have to pump sand out of the depths of the earth. We simply have to load sand directly onto sand barges for transportation to European markets. Indeed, we believe Saudi Arabia will be the world’s major exporter of sand – at least until we reach ‘peak sand’ levels.”
The move follows ages of absolute drought leading to massive sand growth in Saudi Arabia and other regions that make up the sand-rich Gulf. That means Middle Eastern desert countries are now holding such enormous sand resources they could become net beach exporters starting immediately, according to sandalysts.
“The potential goes beyond infidel words and limited infidel numbers given the almost infinite amount of sand that we have,” said Fahad bin Mohammed al-Attiya, chairman of the Kingdom’s National Sand Security Program, which is helping develop the hardcore theocracy’s inland beach export industry.
“Let me compare it to something: cloud computing,” he said. “I see the future where sand could be anywhere and even people belonging to the 99% group of sheeple would have their own private beaches, even in places like Switzerland, Germany and Croatia, sand could eventually replace maintenance-intensive grass.”
Mr. al-Attiya said meeting domestic sand needs would never be an issue. But eventually he saw the NSSP, “following in the footsteps of the World Bank, an initiative that envisages deserts such as those in Arabia transferring Saudi beach to unexotic green inner regions such as Europe.”
Exporting the Kingdom’s sand to the world is exactly what Saudi Arabian officials have been discussing in recent centuries, said Adnan Amin, head of the International Renewable Beach Agency, based in the NSSP’s sub-offices.
“They started thinking they have the possibility of beaching the West quite easily, with the only competition coming from Death Valley in California,” he said. “But the infidels have very poor quality of sand, and they face a real problem in transporting their lousy sand over long distances to get it loaded on ships, while we simply have our product stretching in bulk right up to our loading docks.
“Europe has a tremendous need to source renewable beaches to meet its sand needs and we believe they would be very open to importing competitively priced sand,” he added.
People backing the sand industry in Saudi Arabia see the prospect of selling sand abroad as a ‘serious business opportunity’ that could offset the enormous costs of sending large amounts and numbers of deadly weapons, suicide bombers, and terrorist insurgents to infidel-loving secular sand competitors such as Libya and Syria.