UnNews:Saudi king rockets onto approved dictators list
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Saudi king rockets onto approved dictators list
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, April 29, 2016, 17:34:UTC)(
1 January 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
WASHINGTON, DAY EFFAY, GNN (GOANNA NEWS NETWORK) IT WILL be a happy Eid al-Adha holiday for Saudi kingpin King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz al-Saud after his rocket-propelled entry to the White House's official approved dictators list following the death of Turkmenistan's nutcase President for Life Saparmurat Niyazov.
The widely celebrated death of the murderous crackpot Niyazov, a long-time Washington favourite who renamed the days of the week and months of the year after his family and made his mother's name the word for bread, opened up a coveted spot on the White House top 10, which bin Abdul Aziz al-Saud was only too happy to fill.
The king slips neatly into the number five spot vacated by Niyazov, behind military strongmen Pervez Musharraf (Pakistan) and Hosni Mubarak (Egypt), sadistic ex-KGB man Vladimir Putin (Russia) and Uzbekistan's relatively unknown Islam Karimov.
"A thousand greetings, salutations and felicitations to Mis Most Excellent Royal Mightiness and Magnificence, King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz al-Saud of Saudi Arabia, Defender of Islam, Custodian of Mecca and Medina, Slayer of the Infidel, Chosen by Allah to Establish The Forty-Thousand-Year Caliphate," Snow said in an off-the-cuff comment in the White House Rose Garden, where he was vigorously fellating a Saudi diplomat.
Bin Abdul Aziz al-Saud follows a family tradition in being top of the pops with the White House -- for decades, his father, King Fahd, jostled with such legends as Augusto Pinochet, Manuel Noreiga, Saddam Hussein, Anastasio Somoza Garcia and the Argentinian Junta for top spot on the list. His sudden removal from the list on September 11, 2001, is widely considered to have contributed to his death in 2005.
Snow said Fahd's removal from the list had nothing to do with Saudi Arabia's human rights record.
"It wasn't because, for instance, you can have various parts of your body chopped off for the heinous and abominable crime of homosexuality," Snow said, popping a breath mint. "You know President Bush's position on homosexuals -- no pun intended. Oh, hang on, (Vice-President Dick) Cheney's daughter is into clam chowder, isn't she? I'll have to check on that and get back to you."
Also released yesterday was the White House's inaugural Non-Approved Democracies List, which was topped by Nicaragua (they elected that ex-Sandinista bloke again), Palestine (Hamas), Lebanon (Hezbollah), and France.