UnNews:Saudi Arabia promotes driver safety

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Saudi Arabia promotes driver safety

We distort, you deride

UnNews Logo Potato
Tuesday, August 15, 2017, 14:14:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

12 April 2016

PenelopePitstop1

A typical Saudi woman driver.

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia -- Grand Mufti Sheikh Abdulaziz bin Abdullah al-Sheikh has declared that banning women from driving, as is done in the kingdom of Saudi Arabia, is an enlightened option that should be adopted by all countries around the world — as should Islam of the correct variety and not the many heretical sorts whose adherents should be piled up and burnt to cleanse the earth.

Getting back on message, Sheikh al-Sheikh added that banning women from driving is important because women are not only inferior beings who should be grateful for their jobs as domestic servants and baby factories, but are also terrible drivers. This is due to the fact that they must wrap up their heads to prevent their faces from being observed by any innocent passing males, which would immediately cause discontent and public disorder, for which they must be stoned. Due to these essential protective coverings, they cannot see where they are going and hence would crash their vehicles into whatever happened to be in the vicinity.

When asked about the mortality rate among male drivers in Saudi Arabia, which might be very high but is unknown due to the fact that the kingdom does not publish any statistics on this topic, Grand Mufti Sheikh Abdulaziz bin Abdullah al-Sheikh replied,

AbdulazizSheikh1

Grand Mufti Sheikh Abdulaziz bin Abdullah al-Sheikh.'..women to drive is evil'.

"It is clear that if women were to remove their hijabs and burqas in a futile attempt to become better drivers, this would lead to even more crashes among the male drivers, of which there are hardly any, you know. This is because the sight of a woman without her proper covering would inflame any innocent males to lascivious madness, whereupon they would begin to crash into anything nearby, just like women drivers would do if they were allowed to drive. Therefore, the very idea of allowing women to drive is evil and should be banished from the minds of the enlightened and progressive people of Saudi Arabia. And other people in other places."

Sheikh al-Sheikh touted Saudi Arabia's other driver safety legislation, including its total prohibition on playing chess, which encourages drivers to have two hands on the steering wheel, and a public-service campaign promoting the wearing of explosive vests, entitled Buckle Up Arabia.

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects