UnNews:Saudi "ink-pen nuke" blows up
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
Saudi "ink-pen nuke" blows up
Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!
Friday, March 24, 2017, 02:22:UTC)(
4 November 2010
Mogadishu Airport, in one of the few areas actually controlled by the Somali government, recently installed Geiger counters at the jetways--the only reason the bomb was detected. “When the pilot passed the metal detector, the Geiger count went off the scale,” said a spokesman. “So they searched the Captain and found that the source was a pen in his shirt pocket.”
Tragically, the jetway screener, apparently fidgeting, pressed the pen's pushbutton. This was the detonator and the resulting atomic blast evaporated the screener, the Captain, this reporter, and everyone and everything else in a one-mile radius. The African Union peacekeeping force, which helps the Somali government with airport security, was also vaporized.
“Fortunately, the blast happened in Somalia,” said a spokesperson for Saudi Airlines, Abdul bin Salem. “It would have been a real loss if it went off in Saudi Arabia.” The plane, you see, was due to fly to the northern Saudi city of Jeddah, then to Dubai.
The device, now dubbed the “ink-pen nuke” by the media, is the smallest thermonuclear bomb ever recorded, with an estimated one ounce of plutonium, and authorities say such technology could only have come from the Apple Computer factory in China.
This is the first time that an attempt to blow up a commercial flight going to Saudi Arabia has been successful, not to mention the entire area; and the first time an atomic bomb has been detonated in a conflict since Nagasaki and Hiroshima were destroyed at the end of WWII.
Regarding the pilot, "We don't know whether he's linked with al-Qaeda, but his were the acts of a terrorist. They caught him red-handed," police spokesman Abdullah Hessian Barise said. “Literally.”
Somalia, mostly controlled by Islamic radicals, has not had an effective national government for almost 20 years. And now they have no airport, either.