UnNews:Satanic front group convenes in Vienna
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Satanic front group convenes in Vienna
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, June 30, 2016, 07:02:UTC)(
17 March 2009
VIENNA, Australia -- The Worldwide Order of Ordained Schismists aka WOOS, met today in this scenic, French, Alpine hamlet to hammer out their plans to create schisms, and schisms of schisms, in all organized monotheistic religions.
Formed in 1964 by Anton Le Vey, renowned Satanist and sheep enthusiast, WOOS' mission statement is to, "...create havoc amongst the God worshippers, causing them to rend their bowels and chew their own arms off. In lieu of that, to turn them one against the other, in the name of Satan."
Dedicated to prying religions apart from the inside, WOOS sews the vile seeds of conflict at any opportunity. Members infiltrate religions and lock on to the smarter ones, with whom reason and logic hold sway, making them into 'thought zombies', or people with free will.
"Every one of these batards, these cretins, is a target!" exclaimed Auguste Bouché-Leclercq.
“...a French historian celebrated for an exhaustive history of ancient astrology and magic.”
Bouché-Leclercq, or the clerk muncher as his detractors call him, was Professor of Literature and History at the University of Montpellier and Paris until he was tapped by WOOS in 1994 to run the non-profit bunch of renegade miscreants.
Citing his most important work, L'Astrologie grecque, or "the Study of Greek Asses", an inebriated Bouché-Leclercq spoke for three minutes, then passed out, plunging from the dais into a gaggle of attending Afghan warlords. A brawl ensued, resulting in no less than 17 new splits from the Taliban.