UnNews:Saruman fired from Middle Earth council of wizards
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Saruman fired from Middle Earth council of wizards
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, July 28, 2015, 11:11:UTC)(
18 August 2010
ORTHANC, Middle Earth -- Saruman the White has been voted off the Middle Earth Council of Wizards unanimously. The general public had been suspicious of him from the very moment he ordered ten thousand orcs to destroy Rohan, and the Wizarding council was quick to remove him from his seat in power.
"He was a bad egg," stated Gandalf the White, one of the Wizards who voted him off. "We had no choice to remove him from our ranks."
Saruman had indeed been making trouble ever since his appearance. Chopping down trees faster then the American government, creating hoards of warriors, making alliances with Sauron, and generally just being a naughty boy. His latest scheme caused the Ents to complain rather noisily in their slow, slow tongue (and also chuck boulders at his house). It was then that Radagast the Brown brought the matter to the Council of Wizards. Fifteen of the 16 wizards voted him off. (The other is Voldemort, who is expected to be the next to go.)
The enraged Saruman announced plans to overthrow Middle Earth, but he'll have to get through about fifty angry Ents now stationed outside his home. When interviewed, he refused to comment.
Saruman's absence has also proved a loss for the 500-year-old Council, after the sad death of their long running member Dumbledore, killed by Professor Snape (err... spoiler alert?). Now two members down, they will be looking for new wannabes. Meanwhile, they will have to do with one less bearded, color-coded old man to do magic and save hobbtis.
- "[ Middle Earth Times]". Gondor Printers Co., August 17, 2010 of the Third Age