UnNews:Sarah Palin's remaining Internet accounts hacked
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Sarah Palin's remaining Internet accounts hacked
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, September 2, 2015, 08:33:UTC)(
20 September 2008
Screenshots posted on a popular technology blog revealed the contents of Palin's accounts on websites as diverse as Livejournal, YouTube, Conservapedia, and deviantART. The host received so much traffic that it was shut down within ten minutes, but the damage was done; analysts estimate that the photos are being transmitted at the rate of 250 uploads a second.
Currently, the identity of the hacker is unknown.
"It could be anyone," an anonymous FBI operative said. "Those folks in the Internet hate machine will stop at nothing to commit these dastardly crimes."
Experts suspect that, like the original Yahoo! hack, the method was simple. Comments posted along with the screenshots suggested that Palin used the same password for all of her accounts and did not change it after her personal email was leaked.
"Script kiddie stuff," the operative said. "I wish I had thought it myself. Wait, this isn't on record, right?"
The screenshots detailed, among other things, a large gallery of baby pictures on Photobucket, favorited Michael Bolton YouTube videos, fanart of anthropomorphized moose, and several Google searches regarding chastity belts. More explicitly political items included Palin's blanking of presidential candidate Barack Obama's Wikipedia page with a racial slur, and her scathing reviews of hip hop albums and children's fantasy series on Amazon.
By far the most controversial of the hacker's findings, however, was Palin's memberships to several pornographic websites, most of them fetish-related. Republican pundits were quick to comment about the moral implications of this.
"Everyone makes mistakes," said Jeff Brian, pastor of RoadWay Community Church. "And everybody deserves forgiveness. The liberals jumping on this need to remove the specks from their own hippie eyeballs."
When asked for a reaction, Palin's running mate John McCain had no comment.
"I don't know what any of that technological stuff is," McCain said. "What's a hack? Is she coughing? Dammit, I thought she was supposed to be young and healthy!"