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10 March 2011
WASILLA, Alaska -- Sarah Palin's plans for world domination took a step backwards yesterday when HBO announced it had cast Julianne Moore to portray her in the upcoming movie Game Change. Based on the book of the same title, Game Change is a straight-to-TV film about the 2008 elections focusing on John McCain's campaign, from his selection of Palin as the heir to the throne to his loss in the November election. The selection of actress Julianne Moore, a long time endorser of the Democratic Party, to play Palin has angered many, including Palin herself.
"I wanted that role," Palin is reported to have said when the news broke, "I think I could get in character much better than that stupid liberal."
Information leaked about the audition mentions that Tina Fey was the obvious first choice for the role of Palin, but that she was too busy to accept the job. Auditions were announced, and then opened to the public when it was reported that the only person to reply to the casting call was Palin herself. Director Jay Roach aggressively begged Moore to take the role, reportedly saying that she "owed him one" and that he'd "be damned if he had to put up with Palin," adding "it'd be like dealing with a really, really dumb Oprah with a shitty accent."
Sources tell us that, while the loss of glory on the big screen hurt Palin deeply, it was the choice of the left-leaning actress that was the real killer.
"Not only did I not get the TV appearance that would make me even with Bristol's run on Dancing with the Stars, but now I have to watch a communist butcher everything I stand for," Fox News' political pundit vented.
The decision was a considerable blow to Palin's attempts to rule the world. Since her election run with McCain in 2008, Palin has actively tried to brainwash the American populace with her last name, taking a post at Fox News, pushing her daughter onto TV shows, registering on Twitter and many other social media sites, and throwing in her opinion on every issue brought to her attention. While many experts are dumbfounded by her ability to sound so stupid on so many things and still not get discouraged, a political science professor at Fordham University, Mike Hunt, has a different view.
"She's trying to become a rival conscience in our minds. As you know, every person has a conscience that whispers what you should do in a given situation. But I think that Palin is trying to go against that conscience consistently in order to implant her way of thinking on our mind; she wants her voice to argue with our conscience every time it tries to say something, in the hopes that her voice is the one that wins out when people cast their ballots."
The decision to cast Moore as Palin throws this apparent game plan into uncertainty, as the sight of a Palin impersonator varying from the Palin attitude will likely break the psychological associations that the former Alaskan governor has spent so long creating, much like Tina Fey's rendition did in 2008.
Faced with the potential destruction of her plans, Palin has dug in her heels and stepped up her cross-media bombardment of her ideas, complaining about the "liberal media" with a newfound vigor.
"They're trying to run the world," her most recent Tweet said, "We have to stop them."