UnNews:Santa's elves on strike this year, naughty and nice list shortened
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Santa's elves on strike this year, naughty and nice list shortened
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, May 23, 2015, 03:12 (UTC)
14 July 2008
NORTH POLE, MASSACHUSETTS -- Children around the world have been sad due to Saint Nikolaus Claus' firm's workers being on strike. Santa's company, Santa's Workshop, has shortened it's yearly concept, "The Naughty and Nice list" to thirteen children instead of 3 billion, as reported last year.
The strike of the workers, nicknamed the elves, due to their small size and high-pitched voice, had threatened to sue the company, if not treated like regular human beings. Saint Claus had been blamed of fascism and other forms of hate previously in the last 200 years. If not treated properly, the elves threatened to leave the company and sue for $50,000.
The strike of the elves began earlier in July, on the 5th day of the month, as a new worker stood up against Nikolaus and threatened to sue for his behaviour against the elves. He had claimed to fill a lawsuit against Saint Claus, if not treated properly, and leave the job. Afterward, all other "elves" followed his actions and threatened to sue. The final lawsuit had been filled at $50,350.
"The term 'Elf' is a common word in our job community. It is also an advertising campaign my Public Relations manager commonly uses to advertise my free service. I don't have that kind of lawsuit money, I offer free services!" Claus had claimed for the press. Now, Santa Claus has to lower down the amount of elf-names in his company.
Due to this little strike, Santa has been unable to check the naughty and nice list, a list of children whose parents have ordered this delivery service for their young. This may cause an impact for Santa's Workshop.
|I believe that Santa's Workshop has not been treating its workforce well for decades, centuries even. This lawsuit act has been a good step for a brighter future for the company's workforce. My act has also started a worker's union inside the company, that will act correctly, related to the cause even in the future of this company.|
—John Illis, Workforce character