UnNews:Sandwich chain proposes P.R. Whopper

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Sandwich chain proposes P.R. Whopper

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26 August 2015

Hamburger

The composite hamburger would look something like this artist's rendition.

HAMBURGER UNIVERSITY, Illinois -- Burger King has proposed to McDonald's that the two restaurant chains collaborate on a hamburger for one day.

Burger King made the appeal by having its public-relations firm tweet it out to the entire world, just in case McDonald's public-relations firm were scanning for mentions of its name. They also took out full-page ads in the Tribune and the Times.

Burger King suggested that the collaborative "McWhopper" might have its own sauce, which has the advantage of being something more than Thousand Islands dressing, while going with McDonald's beef patty, which customers can actually taste.

The result would go on sale for one day at a store in Atlanta, Georgia, built for that purpose and then bulldozed the next day. The profits would go toward world peace, which virtually everyone is in favor of. Americans would be able to support a worthy cause by simply overeating, while two corporate titans could burnish their reputations without doing anything real.

Burger King speculated that a few of the army of Presidential candidates might visit the one-day hamburger stand. They could buy food they didn't want to eat and charge it to their campaign expense account. They might go on to give a speech to emphasize their authenticity.

McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook replied with a snarky letter, published on social media that is sure to be seen by Burger King executives, that McDonald's will raise more public awareness by turning down the offer than by accepting it. Easterbrook told Burger King that, next time, a simple phone call would suffice, if the goal were to reach McDonald's management. But that is an awfully big If.

Michael Bloomberg and Michelle Obama — both discussed as "second-tier" candidates for the 2016 Presidential election — scheduled a press conference to propose that, if the joint hamburger were produced, Americans could buy them but shouldn't actually eat them.

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