UnNews:Sandwich Hits Mr Ryan
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2 October 2006
This just in, Mr. Ryan, otherwise known as 'Le Fat Shit,' or 'Le Tub of Lard' was falconed today by George's peanut butter sandwich. The deed was done by the one and only Micheal Ambrose. This has lifted his status from 'Legend' to 'Total Legend' (on the Sangye ranking system).
The homes in the crib of year 8 were having their daily conversation on the brick wall. George Denny-Smith had a sandwich he didn't want, and $100 was to be rewarded to any dumbass who was to throw a sandwich at "Kim" or "Bob" or "The Other Important Guy". Many claimed that they would do it, but none took up the offer. Suddenly, Mr. Ryan, 'Le Fat Shit' started walking along the bridge thingen. Ambrose was up. Armed with his word reapeating skills, he grabbed the sandwich, started running, threw the peanut butter sanga on the run. It was a beautiful lob, and without knowing it, Ambrose had falconed Mr. Ryan. There was a moment of tension among the homes when Le Tub of Lard turned around, but he couldn't see our hero, and continued walking. Well, at least he was trying to walk. I don't think anyone could have moved that lard at a walking pace. Eye-witness Rehan Sivasubramaniamiyasavibranyaran said that it was 'the funniest thing I have ever seen'.
The dumb shit didn't feel a thing.
No reward yet, but many have offered a super showcase of cash and prizes.
- The Docksin has offered her many gardens.
- Adarsh George has offered his Scrotum Juice On The Docksin.
- Moshit Tugnait had nothing else to offer, so he offered his Pussay 4 Life. Micheal didn't want this, so he just told the fat shit to piss off.
- James Whiting has offered a portion of his largely proportioned head.
- Yixin Liu has agreed to lend his smile to Ambrose for a week.
- Ambrose will also be happy to know that he'll be receiving some cycling gear, helmet and visible fluorescent vest, as well as a wide brim hat, SPF 30+ sunscreen and sunnies from Tadeusz Davenport.
The Sandiwch was placed inside a bullet-proof glass frame, with dual ATP security systems. This was approved by Ambrose himself, as well as the Blaque. The inscription says simply "The only sandwich which has come in contact with 'Le Tub of Lard' and not been eaten."
However, on the 1st October 2006, Dickles was able to steal The Sandwich. He is said to have said that he thought that he was going to be cool after he thought that he was said to have said and to be in possession of the Sandwich. In short, even after making 3 good calls his whole life, he didn't become cool. Edward Qiu (a.k.a Queazy) said Dickles might be cool if he won a Tennis game, but this is incredibly unlikely, as Dickles has won no games his whole career of 69 matches.
Anyone who retrieves the sandwich, and places it back inside the bullet-proof vault with dual ATP security shall receive a month's worth of Eddie's Dial Up Internet.