UnNews:Sanctimonious taunted at South Carolina gay bar
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
23 January 2012
CHARLESTON, South Carolina -- Members of Charleston's anti-Islamic Catholic red-neck community jeered, booed and glitter-bombed homosexual liberal-extremist Rick Sanctimonious as soon as he appeared at the Bronco Buster Gay Bar with his androgynous companions sporting Hitler-style mustaches and a troupe of Islamic midgets playing with pastel slinky toys.
Chants of “faggot!” and “homo!” undulating from commie-hating bigots were directed against Sanctimonious. Then pink glitter was thrown around and things got all fuzzy-woozy. The bigots, mostly Charleston's anti-Islamic Catholic pro-war pro-life pro-wrestling Theo-logicians, shouted and threw kinky glitter in the direction of the blushing yet petulant Senator from nowhere.
One of the clergyman told UnNews, “That goddamn pacifist queer makes me wanna puke!” And another irate priest pointed out, “Sanctimonious puts the geek into nerd and yet he has the cunt to call himself a prick?” We have to admit that got us thinking – but to no avail.
Gay eunuchs and bomb-toting Muslim extremists in the audience tried to contain the group of about 10,000 Catholic protesters jeering Sanctimonious -- getting hit with pink glitter themselves in the process. Mean while Charleston Police aggravated the situation further when they also yelled at Sanctimonious, “You terrorist faggot!” And, “Go spread government AIDS in your own gay bar!”
The protesters and police who gathered outside the gay club and sauna told UnNews they had planned the action many years in advance but they unintentionally wore nerdy uncool clothes - such as sweater vests - to blend in with the out-crowd.
Before being able to boisterously support the protesters, UnNews was ordered by Charleston’s Sunni transvestites to leave the gay bar. The shemales pushed and shoved us along with the Catholic red necks and grabbed at our genitals braying, “Gimmi some shelter!” At this point we UnNews repeaters ran for our lives, knowing full well that with Sanctimonious around anal abortions are more than just an option.
But afterwards less than ten transsexuals were visible on FM radio with Sanctimonious when he video skyped to the Alex Jones reality show, drunk as a skunk, and being fondled by child molesting Islamic militants and other riff raff.
Later when UnNews cornered main-stream media-darling and 24 time-elected Congressman Ron Paul and asked the GOP front-runner about Sanctimonious he replied with a sly grin, “When I was in the Air Force back in WWI gay militant pacifists were not even allowed in the service, what to speak of being Commander in Chief!”
- Staff "Santorum glitter-bombed at South Carolina Republican primary". MSN, January 23, 2012