UnNews:San Francisco outlaws spanking between consenting adults

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6 February 2007

Nobums

Next week, this sort of behavior will be a thing of the past

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - In a move by what critics contend is the “new nanny state,” California’s San Francisco, long a bastion of liberal politics and social planning, has passed legislation to outlaw spanking between consenting adults.

Bondage and discipline clubs, which, in San Francisco, are second in power and influence only to the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (GLBT) community, have vowed to sue, hoping to overturn the new law on constitutional grounds. “We have the right to pursue happiness,” Sir Andrew, one of the clubs’ spokesmen, declared, apparently confusing the Declaration of Independence with the U. S. Constitution. “For me, happiness is whipping somebody else’s ass.”

Buttercup, a masochist, agreed with Sir Andrew. “It’s my right to be spanked, beaten, whipped, or caned, if I want. San Francisco should keep out of my affairs.”

Asked why anyone would consent to such abusive treatment, Buttercup exhibited her buttocks, which, having been caned recently, were, as she described them, “decorated” with bruises, stripes, and other marks, and were of a pink and purple hue. “Done correctly, a spanking can transform my butt into a work of art,” she said. Her lower right buttock bore the signature of the artist,” who is none other than Sir Andrew.

“It’s one thing to prevent parents from spanking their children to discipline them for bad behavior,” Sir Andrew contended. “They’re minors who, as such, have no choice in the matter. It’s another thing entirely to prevent a loving couple like Buttercup and me from expressing our love for, and devotion to, one another. Right, Buttercup?”

“Beat me,” she replied.

The law against spanking goes into effect next week, and prohibits the use of the hand, a paddle, a belt, a hairbrush, a slipper, a cane, a whip, or any other instrument in the infliction of spanking, beating, whipping, or any other form of corporal punishment, whether for the purpose of providing pain or pleasure.

“Excuse me,” Sir Andrew told Unnews’ reporter, Lotta Lies, “but we’d better get our licks in while we can.”

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