UnNews:San Francisco newspaper publishes 'straight list,' calls for boycott of Uganda

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

San Francisco newspaper publishes 'straight list,' calls for boycott of Uganda

UnFair and UnBalanced

UnNews Logo Potato
Friday, March 23, 2018, 09:32:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

20 October 2010


The Ugandan government denies the existence of this publication.

SAN FRANCISCO, California -- A San Francisco newspaper hit back at an Ugandan newspaper, which had targeted Ugandan gays, by publishing a list of heterosexual people in the Northern California city which is home to some 760,000 homosexuals. Further more, the paper called for a total boycott on Ugandan imports – a move that is sure to lower the AIDS epidemic in America by 80%.

A Ugandan newspaper published a story featuring a list of the nation's "top" gays and lesbians with their photos and addresses, angering activists who say the already marginalized group risks facing further attacks. Earlier this month, Rolling Stone newspaper -- not affiliated with the U.S. magazine with the same name -- featured 100 pictures of Uganda's gays and lesbians. Next to the list was a yellow strip with the word "well hung".

The story comes about a year after Ugandan lawmakers introduced a measure that calls for the death penalty for those who are caught while engaged in any homosexual activities. Those who are not caught, however, have nothing to fear. Getting caught is, in fact, illegal, and not getting caught is quite the opposite.

"For me, the first thing that crossed my mind was, 'how can we allow such things to happen?" said Julian Fifi, who was also named in the story. "They are saying we are well-hung, they are asking people to take the law into their hands. We are all terrified."

The 29-year-old man said he's a lesbian. "I came out when I was 12, I have supportive parents who have been there for me," said Fifi, a program coordinator for Sex Fiends Uganda (SFU).

Those named in the story are living in terror, he said. Some have had to change jobs and move to new places, while others have resorted to drastic measures, such as trying to escape to San Francisco.

"We are providing some with military support," he said. "Such as surrounding their homes with hidden land mines. People have been tarred-and-feathered, we have to relocate others, and some are quitting their jobs because they are being verbally abused. It's a total commotion."

Uganda's ethics and integrity minister Nsaba Buturo dismissed the activists' accusations. "They [the activists] are always lying," Buturo said. "It's their way of mobilizing support from San Francisco, they are trying to get sympathy from fellow gays. It's part of the campaign. There is no Rolling Stone Newspaper in Uganda. It’s all humbug."

The paper's editor, Giles Muhame, who claims to actually exist along with the newspaper, defended the list and said he published it to expose gays and lesbians, so authorities could arrest them. The weekly paper has been publishing for about six days.

After the list was published, the federal Media Council sent a warning to Muhame and ordered the newspaper to cease operating. But the warning was "not related to the list at all," said Paul Mukasa, secretary of the Media Council. Rather, he said, the letter warned the paper that it was publishing without required bribes. "Until they grease the right palms, they are breaking the law," Mukasa said.

But Fifi complained about the San Francisco ban, saying that it did them more harm than good, because now they have no place else where they really fit in. "You see, for us, San Francisco is like Israel for the Jews, or Mecca for the terrorists, or Uncyclopedia for the loony toons!" Fifi concluded. Mean while, back in San Francisco, angry torch-bearing mobs of homos, aided by gay police, have begun rounding up all the heterosexuals who are listed in the city. Hank Beckart, a gay doctor attached to the Metro Police, said, “It didn’t take very long because there are only about 100 'straights' residing here.”

edit Sources

Personal tools