UnNews:Sailor flies home
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Sailor flies home
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, July 31, 2015, 16:19:UTC)(
16 November 2006
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Henry Stableford, 31, was attempting to smuggle £300m worth of cocaine into the Isle of Wight, but was caught on Oct.21, by the Irish Sea Police.
After being found guilty today, he exclaimed, "You'll never take me alive!" and flew out of the courtroom and back to London. Leaving many spectators in amazement.
"He just looked up, jumped and floated in the air, slowly risin'," said an onlooker, "breakin' through the glass at the top, and flyin' away, it was chaos down here."
"There was people screaming, and fire broke out in the middle of the room, I'm not really sure how that happened though" stated Judge Marshall.
When the people of the courtroom witnessed what was happening, everyone got up and started running for the exits, knocking two police officers unconscious.
"At least we know he's guilty now," said Prosecution.
Scientists and sceptics are currently looking at what happened on the local surveillance videos, trying desperately to find an explanation on what happened. Early reports show that there is no explanation for what happened.
Following the flight of Henry Stableford, Police followed him down the M1, to London. As they ascending up the stairs to the apartment he descended at, Police were confronted by Mr Stableford, again exclaiming, "You'll never take me alive!" Looking over a nearby balcony, expecting a safe landing, Henry jumped.
Amazingly, he survived the 40ft drop, and fled down the road. Leaving him nowhere to be found.
Henry Stableford was taken alive.