UnNews:Saddam requests asylum in USA
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
In a controversial move, Saddam Hussein today formally requested political asylum in the United States. The former Iraqi dictator stated that, since he does not recognize the Iraqi tribunal, political asylum is a necessary move to escape prosecution in his home country. He further alleges that, given the numerous violations of the Geneva Conventions in both his arrest, incarceration and trial, the United States have no choice but to grant him asylum.
Hussein (69) was captured and arrested, on December 14th 2003, after an invasion of his home country, that many claim was illegal as it was not endorsed by the UN. "It's that illegal nature of his arrest, that should lend the most weight to his application for political asylum", says Dr. David Lawson, specialist in Foreign Politics, "America receives thousands of these requests per day, so getting approved is not an easy task. But I believe Saddam's case is a very strong one, so there's a good chance he'll be given American citizenship to protect him from prosecution. The move raises some some interesting issues on the international playingfield. If Saddam does become an American citizen, the Iraqi government will be asked to release him to the American government. Given his history, they may not be willing to give up on his prosecuition. If they do decide not to comply some very interesting situations could arise."
Said James Rosenblatt, spokesperson for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs: "We are currently reviewing Mr. Hussein's application as we would any other. If he meets criteria for political asylum, I have no doubt we will accept it." Rosenblatt added: "America has never recognized any international law or court, and as far as we're concerned the Iraqi Tribunal is just that, an international court. Saddam was only ever subject to Iraqi law, and his arrest and the invasion leading up to it clearly violated that law."
The president responded later today in a press conference. "It's very important at this time, not to get ahead of ourselves. The application has not been approved, and we do not know what the response from the Iraqi government will be if it does gt approved. I can however tell you this: The American government will not stand idly by, while one of it's citizens is prosecuted unfairly by another nation. If Saddam is granted American citizenship, we will retrieve him by any means necessary." When asked wether this includes war, the President replied, "only as a last resort, but yes, if it comes to that, then the United States will not back down. If a hostile invasion of Iraq is necessary to protect our citizens, and indeed the world from this cruel and violent regime, then we will do what needs to be done."