UnNews:Saddam Hussein calls for united Iraq
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Saddam Hussein calls for united Iraq
The news outlet with approval higher than Congress
Sunday, March 18, 2018, 00:30:UTC)(
17 October 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
TIKRIT, Iraq -- Former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein has urged Iraqis to set aside internal conflicts and unite in driving US-led forces from the country.
- "My Muslim brothers and sisters," began the letter published by the Baghdad Daily Press. "The Zionist pigs have invaded our country, and are tearing us apart. Do not let their ruthless slaughter cause you pain. Do not let their oppression of your rights cause you despair. I say to you, 'What have you done to deserve this treatment?' You have done nothing. You have done nothing at all. Do not let these American swine ruin our country, and do not allow them divide you and dominate you."
This statement, part of a three page address written by Hussein, was typed in his lavish, three bedroom, 2500 sq ft prison cell. Set to a bloody backdrop of synchronized car bombings, his epic missive follows a similar call to arms, published early in September.
- "Gone now are the golden days. Gone are the days of freedom and security. Gone are the grand parades you once watched. Gone are the jubilant crowds which once flocked to see their leaders. Never before have your leaders needed to hide behind cement walls and masses of troops. Never before have your leaders feared assassination and death. Allah favors you and watches over you as you bring jihad upon these criminals. Never in a thousand years have you been so humiliated, so crushed. And never again shall you be, god willing."
In the preface to the forward of the letter, Hussein explains that he is writing it because, "my chances to express my opinion are limited in detention". In part, this is due to being barred from addressing the Iraqi people during his appearances in court. In addition, while large and well-stocked with kibbi, kleecha, and sharmut, Hussein's cell does not have communication to the outside world. This means that his only communications with the Iraqi people are through published missives, such as the previous eighteen he has sent to the Baghdad Daily Press.
Blaming foreign influences for sowing division in a united and undivided country, Hussein ended his message by saying,
- "I urge you... to apply justice and righteousness in your jihad, and refrain from being drawn into recklessness. God forbid that you would turn upon each other in such time of need. God forbid you would attack each other in place of the cruel masters you now suffer under. I would have it that Iraq would never suffer such a fate, but until I am freed from this unjust imprisonment, I will not be able to save Iraq from the horrible fate that the satans of the west have chosen for it. Unite, my people. Unite against the Great Satan. Unite against the Western Imperialists. Unite against those who torture, repress, and kill you. Iraq will rise again, and be as free and as peaceful as it once was. Had I the power to restore Iraq to the Democracy of ages past, I would do so immediately. But lacking this power, it is you who must act. Unite us. Unite the clans."
The reaction of most Iraqis after reading Hussein's editoral was muted, at best.