UnNews:SWAT team holds surprise party at youth center
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SWAT team holds surprise party at youth center
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, March 24, 2018, 18:39:UTC)(
26 May 2011
DECATUR, Georgia -- The DeKalb County's SWAT team held a surprise party at the Youth Detention Center late Thursday night, according to Channel 2 Action News. The SWAT team was called to the DeKalb Youth Detention Center at 11 PM and arrived just 15 minutes later with several vans that were probably filled with gifts for the kids at the center. One eye witness says he saw the jubilant SWAT officers running into the building, batons in hand, throwing canisters of happy gas, ready to bash open piñatas.
"Those police sure were excited," said one witness. "I wouldn't be excited about going to a party at that place. Half the kids there are druggies and dropouts. Damned delinquents!"
The SWAT team stayed inside the center for a mere 45 minutes before rushing out, leading many to question whether the party was any fun or if it was a total bust. Some witnesses state they heard yelling, but they were unable to distinguish if the screams were of joy or disappointment. "Look, I didn't see no cake being delivered there," one loud-mouthed exclaimed to all those within earshot, "and my little sister used to be locked up in there. I don't remember them having cake there whenever I visited."
However, one man says he saw red frosting being splattered on several second-story windows. Another bystander corroborated his story and added that many of the SWAT officers were drenched in red punch when they exited the building. Many others say report seeing at least five officers being brought out at the DeKalb Youth Detention Center by emergency paramedics. "They probably partied too hard and couldn't hold their booze", a college student told reporters. "The only police dudes I know can't drink worth crap."
One overweight female at the scene was heard asking, "Are we sure these were actual SWAT officers and not just strippers? I mean, the only police who showed up to my last party were strippers. And just strippers... I don't think strippers should be such teases, ya know?"
- Kristi E. Swartz "DeKalb SWAT called to stop riot at youth detention center". The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, May 25, 2011