UnNews:Ryan Giggs considers Wales return
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Ryan Giggs considers Wales return
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, May 26, 2015, 22:13 (UTC)
edit Ryan Giggs Considers International Return
Wales Rejoices, Rest Of World Shrugs
Wales’ founding father and Manchester United legend Ryan Giggs has stated that he would consider shuffling his arthritic body back onto the field for his country, if he was asked to do so by Wales manager John Toshack.
Wales, who will face England in their next futile attempt to qualify for a major tournament at Euro 2012, are in desperate need of quality in midfield, after losing the only other talented player in the country’s history, Aaron Ramsey, to injury.
“I don’t know where else to turn. With Aaron gone we don’t stand a chance of qualifying. But if Ryan rejoined the squad, maybe we could surprise a few people.” said a delusionally optimistic John Toshack.
“Yeah, if he asked, I’d definitely think about it.” said Giggs, “I don’t want to watch from my armchair as my national team are destroyed by footballing giants like Georgia or Montenegro. At least if I’m with the squad, I can see their failure first-hand, and maybe get away from the nursing home for a while.”
The only thing holding Giggs back is the inevitable decay his body has suffered at the hands of time. His brittle bones, cataracts and sagging ball sack make it difficult for him to be the one-man-team he once was. Doctors have observed that him still being alive in 2012 would be nothing short of a ‘medical marvel’.
But many Welsh people remain optimistic that he will return. One Welsh fan was quoted as saying: “If Giggs returned, not only would we have the assets of his knowledge and experience, but just his very presence would uplift the rest of the squad. He is a true legend in these parts, and he inspires a sense of hope and optimism rarely seen in this country since the Thatcher era.”
Football fans from elsewhere in Britain were also asked how they felt about this momentous news. They all responded in a similar, succinct manner, simply saying, “Who gives a fuck? I mean, seriously?”
- "[www.bbc.co.uk/sports/footaball.html Ryan Giggs Considers International Return]". BBC, March 26, 2010