UnNews:Russians scheme over McCain’s response to Putin’s New York Times op-ed

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Russians scheme over McCain’s response to Putin’s New York Times op-ed

UnFair and UnBalanced

UnNews Logo Potato
Friday, March 23, 2018, 19:20:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

21 September 2013


The fight of the century

PENTAGON, Virginia -- Amerika’s Military-Industrial-Complex market-maker and former war criminal/prisoner of war, John McCain, threatened to write an op-ed for the Russian newspaper Pravda, or the Russian comic book Pravda, or the Pravda website, he’s not sure which, in response to KGB peace-monger Vladimir Putin’s admonition recently published in the New York Times.

McCain, who is suspected of being a fierce critic of the KGB since well before the Bolshevik revolution, told the media, “I’m as American as Napalm, through and through. And ever since the Viet Cong, who where nothing more than KGB agents in South East Asia, tortured me, I have nursed a death wish to annihilate not just the KGB, but the aggregate populations of the Commie world.”

This comes shortly after the NY daily published Putin’s op-ed, in which he Gandhicized Washington for their tendency to rely solely on “Terrorism” in their foreign war-economic policies. The Russian Karate Kid pointed out that, “NATO conspirators who funnel bullets, poison gas, and other weapons to the Syrian terrorists are adding fire to the fuel.

“It is alarming that US military intervention in foreign countries has become as common as the cold,” the bellicose KGB agent said in his open letter to the American people. Putin also warned that a strike against Syria “would not only increase violence but would actually be violent.” Putin asked the Amerikan people to “carefully consider the well being of prospective Syrian targets and have pity of those within crying distance!”

The Op-ed’s publication triggered the heated response from Senator McCain, who described Putin’s piece as “an insult to the intelligence of every cold-blooded Neocon!” In an interview with CNN on Thursday, McCain joked that he would consider having his own op-ed in Pravda, although he didn’t seem to know what or where Pravda actually was.

Washington’s Foreign Fallacy Magazine sent the transcript of McCain’s threat to the Russian news outlet, Pravda.ru, and got their agreement to allow the Republican warmonger to rebuke Putin. They even publicly pushed for a proposed hand to hand, man on man, winner take all, battle to the death between McCain and Putin, which could prove more profitable than the mythical match up between Mayweather and Pacquiao.

“Mr. McCain has been a war zombie and blow hard for many years already,” said Dimity Ustinov, the English editor of Pravda.ru, as cited by the Foreign Fallacy Magazine’s blog. “We have been satirizing his stance on Russia and international politics in our materials for four decades, and we would love to publish a story penned by McCain himself, mainly because that would make us more money!” Dimity admitted. “But such exchange of Op-eds would be nothing compared to a televised hand-to-hand battle between Putin vs. McCain.”

Dimity said that he sincerely hoped the super-bout would happen, and that Putin would whip the old battle-ax, “Not because I’m Russian, but because if Putin wins then we all get to live, and if McCain wins then we all get to die.”

edit Sources

Personal tools