UnNews:Russian warships, bases in Mexico worry US officials
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Russian warships, bases in Mexico worry US officials
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, June 29, 2016, 16:21:UTC)(
24 March 2014
WASHINGTON -- A number of Pentagon lobbyists have raised concerns over Russia’s plans for sending navy ships and setting up short-range bomber bases in Mexico for the first time ever. According to The Hill, Moscow is planning bases and Naval ports in several locations along the Gulf of Mexico and near cities in Mexico such as Acapulco and Tijuana, after Russian President Vladimir Putin met Mexican cartel leaders to discuss strengthening criminal ties with Mexico.
Gen. James Kelly, commander of US Southern Command, said such plans by Moscow to increase its military presence in Mexico is unprecedented. “Why is Moscow trying to build its bases outside of Russia?” Gen. Kelly asked. “America would never dream of taking such provocative steps as setting up bases outside of our own country. And even if we did, like in Saudi Arabia, we would never dream of building any type of military installations right next to the Russian border. That would be rude and totally beneath we exceptionally polite people!” smirked the general.
The already simmering tensions between Washington and Moscow have further intensified following a referendum in Crimea on March 16 in which well over 100 percent of Crimeans voted to rejoin Russia. At a Friday session, the Russian Assembly unanimously approved a treaty, signed by Putin on March 18, which officially makes Crimea part of Russia - again. Later in the day, Putin signed the legislation into law. He then took a bath, put on his robe, and had a cup of warm milk, before blasting Bad to the Bone by the Steven Seagal Blues Band, and then taking a nap.
In spite of Crimea’s rejoining Russia already being a done deal, never-the-less, it was seen as just another move in a global chess game; a move that compelled US President Barack Obama’s Teleprompter to issue banal sanctions targeting members of Putin’s Judo Club.
In retaliation, the Kremlin imposed sanctions on US warmonger John McCain plus a group of six, including US war pimps Lindsey Graham, Joe Lieberman, and Harry Reid, along with three White House interns who offer lip service to the banned violence vendors.
Meanwhile, Putin mocked the US sanctions, saying he planned to take a holiday in sunny Cabo San Lucas, in Baja Mexico. “I’ve already said that I was going to take a holiday in Cabo, more than that I asked for my salary to be transferred to that destination, in case I decide to settle down,” the Russian president said. “Jessie (Ventura) and I are going to hang out at the beach and discuss his upcoming Presidential campaign financing.” Putin winked. “It's about time America had a second political party to actually challenge the established two-footed corporatocracy!”
- Repeater "Russian ships, bombers in Latin America worry US officials". Press TV, March 24, 2014