UnNews:Russian officials go bald, lose appetites

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10 December 2006

Hospital

Litvinenko lost his hair shortly after eating sushi; a form of raw fish known to have inherent risks

Moscow, Russia - In a shocking turn of events, a large number of officials in the Kremlin have suddenly all lost their hair in what appears to have been caused by a mass-outbreak of alopecia although experts alike are baffled by the subsequent loss of appetite experienced by these high-ranking government officials and that indeed some of them appear to be dying.

Currently Russian President Vladimir Putin has declined to comment on the situation or indeed on how he has managed to remain unaffected, although many believe that this may have been caused by something in the food at the recent Kremlin festive banquet which Putin did not attend.

Also speaking out about the matter is lifetime alopecia sufferer, Little Britain star and most importantly; Homosexual Matt Lucas;

I find it offensive that so many people are just losing their hair and eyebrows like this and nobody is doing a thing to help these people

When our reporter replied that: these people could easily purchase wigs he replied; fuck off. and walked away.

After our reporter then called him a gayboy he refrained from commenting and continued walking away and our reporter was forced to fire spitballs at him although unfortunately this did not succeed in resuming the interview.

Currently, the only Russian to die from similar symptoms is former Spy Alexander Litvinenko although many claimed he had it coming.

More on this story will be released as it develops however, a general advisory not to eat at London Sushi bars has been put out and the resulting economic damage is causing a large collapse of the Japanese.

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