UnNews:Russian Presidential Elections Held Again
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Russian Presidential Elections Held Again
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, August 26, 2016, 08:44:UTC)(
15 July 2013
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|
MOSCOW, Russia -- Putin's wise decision to reelect the president of Russia galvanized all the officials and made them work twice as hard or even more than they normally did. Everything got fixed, from the minor defects (i.e. the rule that did not allow more than one candidate) to the date of the elections itself. "The work that would not be completed in months was done, undone and redone in hours. The thieves that it would have taken years to sue, went to jail after several days of judges' work," - noticed another political opposer several seconds before the police officers entered his house.
The only problem that occurred was the e-mail breakdown that did not allow to notify the participants of the election about the change of the event's date. "But this will also be repaired, - states the mayor of Moscow (pictured), - someday".
Meanwhile, several possible candidates, that took care to keep in touch with the officials, have arrived in the Russia's capital and very well received (pictured). They truly admired the capability of the authorities to spend as much budget as possible on every significant and insignificant problem. Concerning the time frame, the elections that were planned to take place at the end of summer, were moved to the week after the current President's speech. The first tour was expected today, as the speech was last week. But the greatest surpirse awaited us (the journalist team) when we, together with the future candidates, waited for the officials to allow everyone to sign up and give all the requested documents: when the door finally opened, we wrre told that the event has already passed and even the results are known.
Particpants were staring at the authorities with their mouth open, not realizing how much efforts should the Government spend to produce such amazing results. Everyone was wordless. One person even said: "It is so...it is so...", and cried, as the joy and national pride almost broke his heart.
The results are such: all together everyone apart from Putin receives 87% of votes. Putin, himself, got 146%. "This is the perfect evidence of how the citizens of Russia respect our President. They understand what would be the future without him. Taking in account only the fact that Vladimir Vladimirovitch.., - said one very touched man, the political opposer in the past but, probably, the follower of Putin in future, - yes, taking in account only this, everyone knows what a Government we shall have, after he is reelected!"
All the journalists are touched as well. We had planned to do an interview concerning the industrial and economic progress of the country, but nobody could even manage to get off his seat, gaping the wall across the room and devouring all the information.