UnNews:Russia Switches to new Currency, Economy Booms

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21 December 2007

Soviet Яussia Switches to New Currency

Moscow, Яussia-- Today in a surprising move by Russian President Vladimir Putin, the Holy Supreme Independent Empire of Mother Яussia announced it will be changing its official currency from Rubles to bags of shit. The move came after Mr. Putin was informed George Bush that he was gay. Said the Яussian despot dictator for life President, "I am for to be making this move to be restoring the glory and power of Mother Яussia! (under breath) And for to be showing that monkey that I am not gay!" The new currency will be worth slightly more than the Mexican Peso, and will come in denominations of watery, dried, or slightly moist and squishy.

Rubles of the old Soviet Empire: Approximate value= $0.21

To go along with this new scheme, Putin announced, "I will for to be conscripting every dog in Mother Яussia for to be helping with the effort of restoring our nation's economy." He announced it was from then on illegal to be scooping your poop after your dog takes a shit.

This for to be capitalist dog who is to be sabotaging glorious Mother Яussia by cleaning new currency off streets.

The immediate effects of this radical switch are still unknown, though some go so far as to speculate that Яussia will use their newfound economic security to create world peace or even install indoor plumbing in the Kremlin (Yes Vladimir that's right! You no more have to be taking shit on floor of cardboard box office!).

Note: Author of article for to be thrown into slavery camp by glorious soldiers of Vladimir Putin. Anyone who is to be writing further capitalist bullshit will for to be shot. Long live Мать Россия!!!

This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.