UnNews:Russia Invades Savannah Georgia, USA, USSR is back!
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
11 August 2008
The USSR wasn't dead-it was all a trick by Putin! It is clear now that the Soviets lured the USA into a false sense of security by faking their economic ruin and the overthrow of their Communist government by a Democratic one.
Furthermore, Joseph Stalin and Vladimir Lenin aren't even dead but were secretely placed in suspended animation via mummification techniques. The mummified leaders were raised from the dead accidentally by none other than Hollywood hunk actor Brendan Fraser when he mistakenly activated an old USSR artifact. The artifact, a Soviet Silver Sickle of Bravery Award, triggered the release of cardiac calcium channel gates, which in turn lead to the pumping of plasma back into the Kommander's mummified corpses (ala Dr. Phibes), pumping out the specialized enzyme-based embalming fluid, causing the two to come back to life. Once alert and oriented, they immediately took control over Soviet Russian Intelligence Command and ordered Russian troops to immediately invade Savannah, GA. Thanks to their sleeper agent there, Jimmy Carter, who has been a Communist all this time and working as a General Contractor building houses for Communist Sleeper Intelligence Agents to live in until they were activated.
Jimmy Carter shouted "Malaise Forever!" and Ivan in the Tank and his fellow Soviet Soldiers raided Savannah Georgia and took over the city. After that the state of Georgia fell to the USSR and they installed Jimmy Carter as their Soviet leader, and made Russian the official language of Georgia.
George W. Bush was quoted as saying "I never really liked Georgia anyway, but at least we got 49 other states left. They would have voted for Obama in November 2008, so it is no big loss."
Jimmy Carter celebrated with free peanut butter and vodka, and made prostitution legal but only for Russian women that used to be men.
- Chet YouBetcha "Google News informs us that the Russians are invading the South". Google, August 10, 2008
My thought for the Day:
The Seattle Seahawks revealed a lot of weaknesses in the Falcon; and the avian flu is avidly contagious, as per the Center for Disease Control (CDC) located in their own back yard, Atlanta, GA.
I do declare that the red-backed loud-mouthed black-tights-wearing Atlantic Featherheads are fumbling with a serious case of this dreadfully dreaded deadly disease!
As a matter of fact, the CDC is expecting the arrival of the terminating exterminators from the West Coast Offense-IV squad and their fearless leader, The Kaepernick!
Although not stated in any interview, AtlComCinC (Atlantic Command's Chief in Charge) of the CDC could have stated "They can't arrive soon enough, and we're hoping they'll arrive in the Kaepernick of Time."
The Kaepernick, with his now famous gallivanting through opponents' defenses and righteous Kaepernicking in exuberant exhibitions of exultation and spontaneous combustion is on his way to make believers of us all as to WHO REALLY IS AMERICA's TEAM!
Expect THE DOMINATION NATION to ascend to its rightly throne in the Kaepernick of Time: SUPERB-OWL CHAMPIONS!
FROM THE SILICON ALLEY, WE PRESENT, WITH FURTHER ADO AND FANTASTICALLY FRIVOLOUS BOISTEROUS FLAMBOYANCE,
T H E ...
... S A N F R A N S I S C O
WOOT WOOT WHAT A HOOT!
P.S. Proof of Excellence: The San Fransisco Giants! I want a split hat.