UnNews:Russell Brand announces candidacy at VMA Awards
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
10 September 2008
HOLLYWOOD, California -- The Paramount Studio lot was star-studded Sunday night as MTV unveiled this year's Video Music Awards, or "VMAs" for short. Everything was going as planned: Britney Spears did a brief skit with Jonah Hill before giving a brief introduction announcing the award show's 25th anniversary and a musical performance by Rhianna that echoed Michael Jackson's "Thriller" music video. Then suddenly the evening's host, British comedian/ actor/ personality Russell Brand slowly walked on stage, somberly, and said the words that would shock the nation:
|My fellow Americans, I, Russell Brand, would like to formally announce... my candidacy... for President... of the United States.|
There was a brief pause, followed by a mixed reaction of boos and standing ovations. Republican Presidential nominee and Arizona Senator John McCain, who inexplicably was in attendance, heavily criticized Brand when interviewed by MTV's Kurt Loder during the post-show. Here is an excerpt from his lenghty rant:
|Why in God's name... would anybody want an American President... with hair like that? Who's his VP gonna be -- A Flock of Seagulls?? He looks more like the next Rolling Stone than the next President.|
Hearing McCain's words, Mick Jagger put a bag over his head and quietly left, dodging interviews. Seagull Mike Score, who has gotten a decent haircut or two since his band's early '80s heyday, said during the post-show that he would accept a VP invitation if Brand were willing to offer. "Russell Brand has some very good ideas for what America should be. I like his proposed policies on premarital sex, for example."
Brand joked during his monologue about how the Jonas Brothers "wear promise rings. More specifically, they were them on their genitals." The lewd joke caused Best New Artist Jordin Sparks to lash out when accepting her award, endorsing both promise rings and Sen. Barack Obama.
Brand also skewered George Bush and championed Obama.
|Some people, I think they're called racists, say America is not ready for a black president. But I know America to be a forward thinking country because otherwise why would you have let that retard and cowboy fella be president for eight years? We were very impressed. We thought it was nice of you to let him have a go, because, in England, he wouldn't be trusted with a pair of scissors.|
|My persona doesn't really work without fame. Without fame, this haircut could be mistaken for mental illness.|
Today, his name is much better known. The New York Times praised the moment when the “manic, intelligent English comedian, injected the show with politics (pro-Barack Obama), raunch and philosophical musings. We at the New York Times proudly endorse Russell Brand as our next President.”
The election is November 4th. But the real highlight of the night was when Spears won the first three VMAs of her career, including Video of the Year, despite 17 previous nominations and snubs. She was met with a standing ovation, and very briefly thanked God, her label, manager, family, and fans. Before closing the show with a Kanye West performance, Brand and Spears sat together on the back of a go-cart, while he asked her to be his running mate. She quickly accepted. Despite the elephant standing next to them, the two are running as members of the Whig Party. "Ironic, I know," Brand joked just before West took the stage.
West then stole cameras from the 13 year old girls in the front row and smashed them on the ground, and said "yo get out of my face yo, don't film me yo, naw what i'm sayin...". He then threw a hissy fit until one of his bodyguards breastfed him back to sleep.
- Veronica Schmidt "Russell Brand calls George Bush a 'retard' at MTV awards". Times Online, September 8, 2008