UnNews:Runaways filmmakers to produce NSYNC biopic

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 11:08, December 4, 2011 by MadMax (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard

30 March 2010

Nsync biopic2

Apparition released this teaser poster.

HOLLYWOOD, California (Associated Press) -- It ain't no lie! The producers of the upcoming biopic, The Runaways, have announced their next project. Studio Apparition will next tackle a biopic on the popular late-'90s boy band, *NSYNC.

The group, formed by Ponzi scheming manager Lou Pearlman, is perhaps best known for the Max Martin-penned hits "Bye Bye Bye," "It's Gonna Be Me," "Gone," "Pop," "This I Promise You," "Girlfriend," "Tearing Up My Heart," and "I Want You Back."

"This is an uber-shitty exciting project," says producer Art Linson.

Cquote1 *NSYNC was a piece of horse crap legendary and influential musical group. We put a lot of names in a hat -- literally -- names like, Hall & Oates, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Iron Butterfly, A Flock of Seagulls, Devo, New Kids on the Block, Strawberry Alarm Clock, INXS, The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, The Buggles... The name we pulled out was *NSYNC. We called up Justin Timberlake and pitched it to him, and he and Joey [Fatone] signed on as executive producers immediately. Cquote2

Taking on the role of Timberlake in the film will be Twilight heartthrob Robert Pattinson. Fatone will be played by Devon Werkheiser of Nickelodeon's Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.

"You should see the facial hair [Werkheiser is] growing!" says Timberlake.

Joe Jonas will play Chris Kirkpatrick. Daeg Faerch (Halloween, Hancock, Pushing Daisies, Dark Mirror, and the upcoming thriller Sebastian) will take on the challenge of playing the now-openly gay Lance Bass.

Nsync biopic1

In this scene from the film, NSYNC win some poitnless music award. Manager Lou Pearlman (Toby Jones) is lit blue to portray the darkness in his heart.

However, due to the threat of a lawsuit, slightly less gay JC Chasez is not to be depicted in the film. So instead, screenwriter-director Floria Sigismondi has created a fictional member named Gary Lightning, played by Chace Crawford.

"That was a challenge," Sigismondi says. "We ran into the same problems with Jackie Fox in The Runaways. Legal rights are such a hassle in Hollywood."

Lou Pearlman will be played by Toby Jones, who has gained 200 pounds for the role. "I've written Lou Pearlman as a corrupt, greedy embezzler, much like he is in real life. If you thought Gordon Gecko, The Joker, and Hans Landa were the perfect screen villains, you haven't seen it all. This performance will win Jones an Oscar, hands down."

The film will follow the groups formation in 1995 in Orlando, Florida, to their success in Germany, to their breakthrough in their native United States. Their legal battles with Pearlman and record label Sony BMG -- and their eventual deal with Jive Records -- will be crucial to the story, as will Timberlake's relationship with Britney Spears (Dakota Fanning).

The film will not stop after the band broke up shortly after the release of 2001's shit-tacular album, Celebrity. Lance Bass will come out; other members, such as Timberlake, will pursue solo careers to varying degrees of success; Timberlake will branch out into films and form a friendship with Andy Samberg (the gender-bending Cate Blanchett); Bass will pursue his NASA interests; Fatone will act in the movie, My Big Fat Greek Ass and in Broadway shows, host TV's The Singing Bee, and become a bloated parody of himself.

The producers are pushing for an R rating and a 2012 release, to coincide with the 10th anniversary of the band's breakup... as well as the apocalypse.

edit Sources

UnNews Logo Potato
UnNews Senior Editors are currently inserting left-wing bias into this related article:
Personal tools
projects