UnNews:Royal birth delights British media

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Royal birth delights British media

Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard

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Tuesday, March 20, 2018, 16:37:59 (UTC)

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2 May 2015


New royal baby presented to badly dressed people.

LONDON, United Kingdom -- Bells were rung, impromptu street parties were thrown and millions of camera phones were recharged, as news came out that Princess Kate of Middleton had given birth to a girl. The new addition to the British Royal Family can look forward to a career of constant media attention and weight loss/gain features.

Beaming newspaper editors and television producers immediately cleared all other news about ISIS, earthquakes in Nepal and whether Nicola Sturgeon was the greatest threat to England since William Wallace. Pages and hours of wall-to-wall coverage of this birth is said to be a 'ratings breaker' and encourage a 5000% increase in tourism/immigration over the next year.

Outside the hospital where the news was announced, strange people were crying and jumping on each other. Traditional cries of 'get the effing retard out of the camera view' could be heard and a thousand aluminium ladders were chained together for the photographer monkeys to climb on and poke their lenses in the direction of the main hospital entrance.

The child is yet to be officially named. The current favourites are Beyonce, Lady Gaga and Hermione Granger.

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