UnNews:Rove implicated in plot to fire himself
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
3 April 2007
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Karl Rove, President Bush's long-time ally and trusted aide has been implicated, by recently declassified White House documents, in a plot to fire embattled Bush Aide Karl Rove. Rove, citing Rove's surly demeanor, distinct lack of morals and his terrible dancing advised Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez to fire him at once, as a direct order from the Office of the President. Gonzalez who acquiesced, firing Rove and eight other Executive Branch staffers, has recently come under fire for the dismissals, which are believed to have been politically motivated. These recently released documents would seem to support that conclusion, as in them Rove refers to Rove as "a liability to the party", "a walking disaster", and "a right prick", all to the effect that Rove's continued employment was detrimental to continued Republican success.
This incident is just the latest in a long history of political turmoil in the Bush White House. The Valarie Plame affair, the Hurricane Katrina Scandal, the Iraq war, the Harriet Miers nomination, the treatment of soldiers at Walter Reed Medical Hospital, the accusations of election fraud, the lack of good intelligence for weapons of mass destruction heading up to the war, the growing discord with Iran, the escalation of violence in Israel, the presence of large amounts of corruption typified by the Jack Abramoff scandal, the immiseration of the country due to increased government spending paired with lowered taxes on the richest 1%, the seemingly obstinate nature of the President in crises, etc. All of these incidents were in part handled by Mr. Rove, or were conducted at least partially under his oversight. Still, the White House is defending Rove to the last, both from outside pressure from Congress and the media, and from internal pressure, namely a memo demanding that he step down. The White House recently released this statement on the matter: "Karl "M.C." Rove is one of the Bush Administration's greatest assets, a man well-versed in statecraft, Rove is able to deftly chart the murky, torpid waters of political debate. We would never dream of firing Mr. Rove, and he will always have a place at the White House table. That being said, Karl Rove was perfectly within his rights as a Presidential advisor to issue the command that he did, explicitly, an order to fire a staffer named 'Karl Rove'. In times such as these brave political choices must be made for the good of the country. We think it is ridiculous to bring a public servant of such obvious and vaunted esteem in front of the wolves den in Congress. That is all. Also, I, Karl Rove, did not write this press release."
Democratic reaction has been mixed, ranging from elation over a possible Rove firing to anger that Rove would even attempt such a barren political ploy. One thing the Democrats could agree on though was that should it be found that Rove violated the law, he should be forced to step down from his role as a Presidential advisor, but that if he were found to be within the law, that his directive should be followed to its desired course, namely the firing of one Karl Rove. Only time will tell how this latest political squabble can be resolved.