UnNews:Rosie O'Donnell enters rehab

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16 February 2007

ROD
The outspoken Rosie O'Donnell speaks out--this time, against Anna Nicole Smith's corpse

HOLLYWOOD, CA - Rosie O’Donnell, former comedienne and present hostess of The View, a topical talk show once owned by Barbara Walters, has entered rehab at the famed Betty Ford Clinic for stupid, fat lesbians who can’t tell the difference between slander, libel, cruelty, humor, and personal ugliness.

“I used to be the queen of nice,” the fallen star whined, “but, nowadays, I’m just plain mean.”

Reportedly, the show’s other co-hostesses threatened to walk off the show if “something” wasn’t done about O’Donnell’s constant insensitive harangues, the latest of which she’d directed against Anna Nicole Smith on the day that Smith died.

“Anna Nicole isn’t a has-been,” O’Donnell quipped. “She’s a never-was.”

Although Walters supported O’Donnell in her attack on Donald Trump, calling him a “poor, pathetic man,” Walters apparently drew the line at the comedienne’s insulting the dead and dying. Insiders say that Walters took O’Donnell to task for the insensitive and uncalled-for comment, saying that the dying must be allowed to die in peace.

O’Donnell is said to have further outraged Walters by responding, “The world’s better off. With Anna Nicole dead, we’ve one less bimbo to worry about.”

“Barbara told Rosie to cool it,” co-hostess Joy Behar said to Unnews’ reporter, Lotta Lies, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Babs has had it with the bitch.”

Elizabeth Hasselbeck, the show’s fourth co-hostess, also speaking on condition of anonymity, agreed: “Barbara told Rosie to hire a comedy writer instead of relying on spur-of-the-moment insults, slander, and libel. Otherwise, she was going to have to let Rosie go. Rosie’s answer: ‘You can’t fire me; I’ve already been outed.’”

Viewers of The View have vowed to boycott the show. Although Anna Nicole Smith was no angel, fans said, she deserves to rest in peace. Besides, who set O’Donnell up as judge and jury? She has no right to put others down, View viewers contended. “She can’t even get her domestic partner’s sex right.”

“Her casket looks better than Anna Nicole does,” O’Donnell also quipped, just as the show was ending, “and the coffin’s not on methadone.”

Upon hearing O’Donnell’s last remark, a flabbergasted Walters gave the loudmouthed comedienne a choice: rehab or unemployment. O’Donnell checked into the Betty Ford Clinic yesterday at 5:00 pm.

"I told you she's a vile and disgusting man," Trump said.

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