Roseanne blames Soma for Polish Joke

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1 June 2018


Does Jarrett pose an uncanny resemblance to the Queen of the Planet of the Apes?

LAGUNA BEACH, California, USA — Brotherhood of Eternal Love Inc., the patient holder of Soma, responded to the latest Roseanne news with a statement full of paisley: "While all pharmaceutical treatments have side effects, Polish racism is not a known side effect of any psychedelic medication other than self-medication that is illegal anyway."

Roseanne Barr's Soma explanation was part of a tweet-storm reacting to ABC's cancellation of her hit show “The Deplorables.” On Tuesday she waffled between apologizing for her weird Twitter behavior and then retweeting humorous memes that made her apology sound more like a punch line.

Later in the day, President Donald Trump’s first reaction to Roseanne’s show being cancelled was a tweet criticizing Disney CEO Bob Iger for his negative stance on Soma. “Has he even tried it before?” the President asked. “I mean, I don’t drink or smoke, but Soma is out of this world.”

Barr was fired for her Tuesday tweet about former Obama aide Valerie Jarrett, retweeting a photo showing a Polish Coyote that had chewed off three of its legs but was still caught on the trap, and suggesting it had something to do with Jarrett’s uncanny resemblance to the (Queen of the) Planet of the Apes, Barr still claims she was serious when she compared Jarrett to "Planet of the Apes,” and a side by side picture seems to prove her right.


Roseanne Blahh!

In a reply to one of her fans, she said "I honestly thought she (Jarrett) was half Polish and half Space Alien — ignorant of me for sure, but...i never seriously meant she was from outer space!” She said she had been on Soma, a medication used to treat acute normality, at the time. She later tweeted, "guys, if I did something unforgivable give me a break. !t was 3 in the fucking morning and I was ripped on Soma; besides, there is no doubt I was hacked by Joy Reid’s Russians.”

She cited Soma again in a later tweet, saying, "Not giving excuses, but I've done weird stuff while on Soma -- walked through walls, circled the cosmos, and even met God herself!” Oddly, she later deleted all of her references to the utopian drug. Nevertheless, Soma became the #1 trending topic on Twitter, prompting discussions of reforming the Brotherhood to meet the expected surge in demand for the celestial nectar.

Barr said her firing "worked out" because she already planned to quit ”when they started to sexually harass me like the old days.” It is also more than rumor that FOX has picked up the Roseanne show at triple the price. Barr concluded, “I had to break that lousy contract somehow, so why not blame Valerie Jarrett and the Russians.”

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