UnNews:Rooney: England lions "can ROAR all the way to Euro glory!"
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Rooney: England lions "can ROAR all the way to Euro glory!"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, August 26, 2016, 08:47:UTC)(
2 June 2008
ENGLAND "ROON"SATION Wayne Rooney gave a "Roon"-roaring battlecry to the nation ahead of the UEFA European Championships which kick off next week. The 34 year old is convinced that the current batch of England players "is the match for any top team" in the world and will "go on to lift the trophy" despite not actually qualifying.
With the likes of Christiano Ronaldo, Fernando Torres and Carlos Teves expected to play a big part in Englands latest conquest for glory Rooney fully expects our English lions to "step up to the plate" and bring back the crown of Europe on their (collective) heads.
"We really do have an embarrassing crop of outstanding young English talent at the moment" Rooney told Unnews this morning over a bowl of "Roon"-flakes. Rooney highlighted his belief that there are great hopes that Christiano Ronaldo in particular can bang in the goals to fire mighty England to the final where Rooney hopes to meet Portugal and gain "sweet revenge for the greasy f**ker who got me sent off in the last world cup."
England manager Brian Clough (RIP) was also in typically confident mood last night, "I'm sure that even though England failed to qualify for the tournament that we have sufficient talent to go all the way, young man."
As for Wayne himself, his country is expecting that he will translate his club form from the hallowed turf of Anfield, London and enjoy a "Roon"-tastic tournament where he will undoubtedly bang in a "Roon"-full of goals and England fans will end the summer walkin in a summer "Roon"-derland!
Lets hope that the lads with the four lions on their head have a "Roon"ccessful tournament, COME ON YOU BLUES!