UnNews:Roommate fails to return journalist's ice scraper
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Roommate fails to return journalist's ice scraper
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, December 11, 2016, 00:31:UTC)(
13 October 2008
DENVER, CO -- Denver-area sources say that area man Wes Dober has failed to return an ice scraper to his roommate, local journalist Jim Hoffman.
Hoffman loaned the ice scraper to Dober last weekend when Dober said he wanted to run to the store to pick up some "stuff". Hoffman had intended to devote the entire day to beating "Heavenly Sword" on the Playstation 3, so he agreed to the request.
However, Hoffman has yet to have that ice scraper returned to him.
"I'm pretty irritated," Hoffman said in an interview with his tape recorder. "I had to sit in the car for 20 minutes this morning while it defrosted. Then I had to go out and try to clean off the windshield with a credit card."
Sources close to the two speculate that Hoffman could use his position as a journalist to make Dober's life uncomfortable.
For example, an anonymous source tells us that a distinctly female voice was coming from Dober's room last week, while the door was closed. This information would likely be of some interest to Jillian, Dober's on-again, off-again girlfriend.
Also, it is possible that Hoffman has some very interesting text messages still on his phone - text messages which could easily be uploaded to a text file and published in the Denver Courier. Sources close to the Denver Courier subscriptions department report that Dober's parents do not subscribe to the Courier, but that the likelihood of them winning a free subscription in a contest is somewhat high.
Give me back my fucking ice scraper, Wes.
- My cell phone. Nope, no link to its contents. Not yet, anyway.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|