UnNews:Ron Paul: My son, the warmonger

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Ron Paul: My son, the warmonger

Democracy Dies with Dignity

UnNews Logo Potato
Sunday, March 18, 2018, 22:19:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

26 November 2014

By Dr. Ron Paul
Ron paul jalopy

Dr. Ron Paul, (b. August 20, 1935) medical doctor, 12-term Congressman, and perennial candidate for President

For the eternity that I spent in Congress, I never once voted for an unbalanced budget, earmark that benefited another congressional district, or for any foreign wars paid for with Chinese money. I made it a point to pass off this wealth of knowledge to my children to give them consistency in an era of flip-flopping. However, I am highly disappointed with my son, Rand. The Paul household was a household of non-aggression, but Rand seems to have become a mainstream GOP warmonger.

First, a little backstory. In my household, I taught my children the non-aggression principle. The kids complained when the bullies took their lunch money, but I made sure to explain to them the concept of Social Darwinism. They are not entitled to their money, because it is the role of the free society to decide to whom the money belongs. You simply did not grab a baseball bat and get the money back! I always made a case that we should keep our own business to ourselves. I homeschooled Rand after that incident, and made sure that he got as little aggression from public society as possible. I wanted to let him know that we should make sure that we let other countries mind their own damn business. We let the market decide who the best countries are! Which is why, I am sorry to say, that my son, who I raised to be a facsimile of myself in style and substance, is demanding another Iraq War.

Mn082bsharp-shinned2bhawk2b239 0966

This is NOT how Ron Paul raised his son to be

Actually, it is this whole ISIS group, but you get my point. What is ISIS anyway? I believe declaring war on ISIS is as vague as declaring war on "terror." What is terror? What is ISIS? Should we be able to declare war on any group of extremist radicals? Can we declare war on the two-party system? No, but we can declare war on plants. ISIS isn't even a recognized nation, or a nation at all. Rand says they're an offshoot of Al-Qaeda, but they're not even a nation either, and we already used unauthorized force to kill Osama bin Laden, so why are we doing this again? Whether it is a schoolyard bully or a madman, we need not use unnecessary force to get our way.

Rand is trying to change his image. He is trying to change it for the worse. He wants to be the Primadonna or Miley Silas of the GOP and sell out principle for the purpose of mainstream popularity. I raised Rand to be a principled me, so when I eventually kick the bucket, I will still be there in Congress. Yet, he's trying to play with the big boys on the playground and actually try to do something. He wants a formal declaration of war against an entity that does not qualify as a real entity. It did not attack us, therefore it does not exist. If it attacked us, it still does not exist since it is just a vague concept. He also wants the war to end in a year. Since when do we arbitrarily pull out of one of our little debauchery fests?

I just want to say, as a father and a former Congressman that I am highly disappointed with Rand and his decision to join the hawks in their repeat venture to Ubeki Beki Beki Beki Stan Stan. Building credibility with the base of the GOP, and achieving actual legislative accomplishments, goes against everything I, I mean he, believes in. The progressives like the Boehners and the McConnells will trust him. They will take him seriously. Worst of all, he may even actually get elected.

Please come back to the prestige of principle, Rand. Come back home.

edit Sources

Personal tools