|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
17 February 2008
Los Angeles, CA -- Infamous adult film legend Ron Jeremy announced today at a press conference that he received the nickname "Sonic the Hedgehog" ("Hedgehog" for short) during a time when the adult film industry was not profitable and the video game industry was on the rise. He was previously known to play the character of Mario for the Nintendo Corporation, but was fired after the company found him having sexual relations with Princess Peach.
Jeremy mentioned SEGA executives was looking for the perfect character to compete with the new Mario character and chose a Hedgehog to be its lead. With SEGA's stock soaring with other profitable titles, the strike of the hedgehog actors union 344, and Jeremy being released from Nintendo's contract, Jeremy was hired to be the lead character. Known for his large genitalia and hairy body, Jeremy states SEGA was able to easily paint his body blue and able to easily collect golden rings without the use of his hands.
Critics of Jeremy's claim as Sonic asked if he also earned a second paycheck by playing the role of Doctor Robotnik, Sonic the Hedgehog's enemy; as both the character and real life actor is known to have a large stomach and hairy face. Jeremy confirmed he was offered, but rejected, the position, stating his genitals would not sit comfortably in the hover vehicle used in the game. Fat Albert was hired after retiring from the cartoon series in the late 1960s.
SEGA entertainment will not confirm nor deny if Jeremy was employed at the company as Sonic or was offered the position to be Robotnik. Nintendo refused to comment and Princess Peach was unavailable, as she was filming her new adult film, "Licking Toad."