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Romney to Trump: "Whip it out!"

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6 March 2016

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BLOOMFIELD HILLS, Michigan -- 2012 Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has just demanded that Republican Party front-runner Donald Trump show everyone his penis, "so we can be sure you are not lying."

The rhetorical piss-fight began at last Thursday's Fox News debate in Detroit, where Trump used his introductory statement to issue a remarkable denial of a remarkable accusation by formerly remarkable candidate Marco Rubio, that anyone with hands as small as Trump's must be under-endowed in other ways. Trump retorted, "I guarantee you there's no problem. I guarantee." The remark was the intellectual high point of the evening.

Romney had previously demanded that Trump disclose years of past tax returns to disprove accusations, mostly by Romney, that Trump is not as rich or successful as he claims to be, doesn't give to charity as much as he claims to, and is not as open to an endless political fishing-expedition as a Republican candidate ought to be.

Romney himself was the butt of an accusation by Harry Reid that there was "something wrong" with his own tax returns — accusations that seemed like libel, except that they came from the hallowed floor of the U.S. Senate, where libel is just what they do. Romney conceded to Reid by releasing his taxes, and later conceded to debate moderator Candy Crowley that Barack Obama was telling the truth about Benghazi, and then, the evening of November 4, 2012, conceded to the American people; whereas Trump has never conceded a thing.

Although a large "Johnson" was a key feature of the Kennedy and Clinton years, a Tricky Dick has never been a requirement to run for the office. The Constitution only requires it to be at least 35 years of age. However, it may be the Republican Party's main method of countering Hillary Clinton in the general election.

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Carson leaves presidential race

African American candidate Ben Carson, presumably adequately hung but thoroughly ignored in previous debates, would have asked someone on the sound stage to please disparage his genitals. However, he was absent, having recently switched to contemplating his navel.

Romney did not insist that Trump expose himself live during the next Presidential debate, but said a JPG file might suffice, as it did for former Congressman Anthony Weiner. He wrote on 4chan: "Pix or it didn't happen!"

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