UnNews:Romney campaign unsure of what to do with stockpile of foam baseball mitts
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Romney campaign unsure of what to do with stockpile of foam baseball mitts
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, March 24, 2018, 22:18:UTC)(
8 February 2008
MORMON REDOUBT, Utah -- Former upper-ranking officials in the Mitt Romney campaign have expressed befuddlement as to what they're going to with all those foam baseball mitts they have lying around, sources revealed Thursday afternoon.
"I mean, there's just not much you can do with foam baseball gloves," says former Romney Communications Director Mark Coalfield. "The sad thing is, they're foam, so you can't play baseball with them." The crisis has caught the attention of environmental activists across the US.
"These mitts are foam," notes Kevin Kierkegaard, chief of the US Association for a Clean Environment. "They're not biodegradable." The remnants of the Romney campaign has pledged to dispose of the mitts in a safe way. However, they also note that the mitts can be recycled, or at least have another use found for them. They make stylish hats, and also will serve as decent #1 foam fingers, if the appendage is taped on.
New statistics released from the now-defunct Romney campaign shed some light on the possible origin of the mitts. Under expenditures, 87% of the millions Romney had spent was allocated for foam purchase and processing. The remaining 13% was listed as other. "Obviously, our financial priorities might have been a bit misplaced," admits Coalfield, who conspicuously had a mitt on his head and both hands. "But, damn, those mitts were just awesome."
- Eartha Kitt "Baseball metaphor probably didn't help Romneys presidential bid". Bromadrosis Quarterly, February 8, 2008