UnNews:Romney calls for feminization of Boy Scouts
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9 August 2012
LIBERAL, MA – In hopes of bolstering his ratings,
presumptive Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney recently outed himself as being in favor of “gay Boy Scouts.” America, Romney said, needs more gay men in leadership—but not men like President Obama—and the Boy Scouts helps prepare boys for such leadership roles.
(Obama recently came out of the closet, declaring, “I may be only half-black, but I'm gay all the way—and proud.”)
Romney also believes it to be “important to the nation” to feminize boys. “The days of Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer are long past,” he told UnNews reporter Lotta Lies. “We don't need hyperactive males ruining America with their testosterone-charged, testicular approach to life.”
Instead, he said, boys should
emasculate emulate him. “I am a worthy role model for all boys, except the macho type. If any boy is unclear as to how to be a man, let him follow my example.”
The Boy Scouts, he said, “needs to tone down the whole macho thing,” and allowing gays to join their ranks “is a step in the right direction.”
However, more can be done to emasculate American boyhood, he said. “The uniform the Scouts wear needs to be redesigned,” Romney, who dabbles in fashion design in his spare time, declared, and he has offered a possibility for the Boy Scouts of America to consider.
“A pink number, with lace and a flouncy skirt, with plenty of frills,” the new uniform, he said, “can be worn with pink heels.” The uniform will make Boy Scouts look “lovely and ladylike,” he said, should the organization adopt his proposed dress as its new uniform. “A matching purse is a possibility, too,” he said, in place of the organization's traditional backpack.
The president had “no comment” concerning his rival's suggestion as to how to dress the Scouts. “I'm a big picture guy,” Obama prissed, “not a detail person like my opponent.”