UnNews:Romania's horse and cart crackdown
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Romania's horse and cart crackdown
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, March 23, 2018, 13:31:UTC)(
18 November 2007
Due to the recent rise in Horse and Cart Mafia, Romanian police cracking down on horse and cart users. The police made the following statement:
"We are trying to avoid all casualties and will only use guns, not missiles."
I went to Romania to speak to Hilary, head of the Gilgor family. He told me that "If police confiscate any horses and carts they find using the roads they will be in for a s*** load of trouble!".
Thousands of carts have already been rounded up by the police and they will be burnt at the stake. However the police are more reluctant about harming the horses, as they have all sworn to save lives. As a result most of the horses could survive, but Hilary tells me that it just won't be the same old Mafia without the carts.
His son, Andy, is more optimistic. He views this as a chance to start again, maybe using horses in a different way. I only hope he's right.
Unfortunately for many Romanians, the police are having a tough time working out which horse and carts are members of the Mafia. One resident explained why this was. "It may happen from time to time that a driver falls asleep at the reins and then the horses go out of control. I once saw a horse hold five men hostage while the cart smashed windows."
For me this plan seems ludicrous. It is common knowledge that the only reason the Car Mafia doesn't rule Romania is because the Horse and Cart Mafia keep them out. Without the Horse and Carts Romania will be overrun with Cars.