Rogue market trader "causes global market crash"

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Thursday, December 13, 2018, 19:39:59 (UTC)

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24 January 2008


"psst, 'ere mate, if you want some cheap apples then come this way..."

A ROGUE FRUIT AND VEG MARKET STALL HOLDER was this morning blamed for the recent crash in global stock markets. It is thought that he began to recklessly sell his apples and pears for as little as 2p per pound and so triggered a near global financial meltdown. The unprecedented scale of his losses dwarfs the £860 million that went missing when second car salesman Gary Hubbs nearly triggered World War III in 1995. Hubbs had began selling a batch of Ford Cortinas and Austin Montegos for less than £50 before being caught and shot.

The problems came to light on Saturday after the man, believed to be a fruit and veg market trader in his 30s who worked in a well known London market had been selling under-priced apples and pears for months. It is even thought that he sold 100s of satsumas for less than 6p a pound, further undermining global markets. The trader had been working on his fruit and veg stall since 2005 and was previously thought to have "worked as a Thai ladyboy prostitute".

It was not all doom doom doom however as one happy pensioner, Ms Geraldineque Flahmestune, 87, reaped the rewards from the rogue traders bargain bonanza, "My, I couldn't believe my luck when I saw all these bargains. When I've finished selling these apples and pears on I'll be a fucking millionaire!"

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